Why COPS Loves the Doctor
by Lucillia
Summary: The actual Police Officers who have to deal with him however, not so much...Then again, things going wonky makes for good television, but isn't so good when you have to stand in front of your superior and explain exactly what happened to the car and how the cameraman who'd been riding along with you got so banged up. Random Oneshots Not in Chronological Order.
1. Drunk and Disorderly?

**Albuquerque New Mexico November 27, 10:03pm:**

"I joined the force because my father was an officer. I love the work because I give back to the community..." the uniformed young woman at the wheel says as she passes a grocery store where a man is wandering around the parking lot waving something around. She stops, turns around, and then pulls into the grocery store parking lot and places herself directly in the man's path.

"We have a man behaving erratically, quite possibly under the influence of a narcotic..." the female officer says as the man comes around to the driver's side and knocks on the window.

"Do you mind? Something's about to come through the Albuquerque rift and you're parked right in front of it." the strangely dressed man in brown coat, brown trousers, knee-high boots, a brown hat that was jammed down over a mass of curls and an insanely long multicolored scarf says through the still closed window.

"Slowly back away from the car please." the officer says, her hand on her gun.

"Humans." the man mutters with a shake of his head as he slowly backs away from the car, keeping his hands in sight.

The officer gets out of the car shortly followed by the cameraman.

"Have you been drinking tonight sir?" the officer asks the man who moved to reach into one of his pockets before the officer puts her hand on her gun causing him to hold his hands away from his body in plain view.

"Well, I have had a couple of ginger beers and some of that Canada Dry piss." the slightly bug-eyed man says with a wide smile. "No matter what some people say, high-fructose corn syrup isn't the same as sugar. Completely different effect on a Time Lord metabolism for one."

"Ginger beer." the officer says flatly.

"I'm going to ask you to step over here please sir." the officer says a second later, gesturing to a spot near the car.

"A sobriety test!" the odd man with the scarf says as if he'd been offered a treat. "I would, but I don't have time, something's coming through the rift you see..."

The officer cautiously approaches the man and speaks into her radio, presumably calling for backup. "...Pupils appear to be dilated." she notes.

"Of course my pupils are _dilated, _it's _nighttime_." the man says, looking at the officer as if she'd just dribbled on her uniform shirt. "They have to let in more light so I could see properly. Of course the artificial lighting doesn't help matters any, since it completely ruins my night vision."

"Sir, can I see your identification?" the officer asks.

The man reaches into his pocket, fishes around for about a minute, and pulls out a nice looking black leather wallet which he hands to the officer who briefly looks at it before closing it and looking at the camera.

"The driver's license isn't his and it expired in 1976." the officer says.

"It is so mine!" the man exclaims. "I've just regenerated since the picture was taken."

"Sir, I'm going to ask you to come over to the car and place your hands on the hood." the officer says as another panda car pulls into the lot, this one containing a clean-shaven Hispanic male in uniform. "Is there anything in your pockets I should know about? Syringes? Sharp objects?"

"I don't know, I haven't checked recently." the man replies after complying with the officer's order as if it were old hat to him.

The male officer who's just been apprised of the situation gingerly pats him down before reaching into his pockets and pulling out various items, far too many items than should reasonably be able to fit inside a person's pockets, including a woman's handbag.

"So, that's what I did with Sarah Jane's purse!" the man exclaims as the purse is set on the hood of the car alongside a yo-yo, a jump rope, a bag of licorice allsorts, a bag of Jelly Babies, a massive pile of receipts from several worlds and eras, two parking tickets from Gallifrey, numerous random gadgets, a recorder, and a pet rock that was still in its box.

As the officers were handcuffing the man on the charge of being in possession of stolen property and sweeping the random junk off of the hood of the car, a bright light rent the air and the surface of the parking lot began to buckle upward, lifting the car off the ground. At the end of the path of destruction, a sinkhole appeared and the head of a grey creature that bore a superficial resemblance to a rabbit poked its head out of the hole, sniffed the air, and looked back at the police cars.

"Albuquerque again?!" the creature moaned before disappearing back into the ground.

Shortly after the creature disappeared back into the ground, the surface of the parking lot began to buckle upward once more before the path of destruction reached the bright light which disappeared along with whatever had been causing the ground to buckle.

"Please tell me I didn't see what I thought I saw." a voice behind the camera said.

The strange man with the insanely long scarf just laughed like a madman before turning and offering the police officers who looked like their nerves were shot some Jelly Babies which they gladly took before uncuffing the man who promptly started scooping things back into his pockets and letting him off with a warning.


	2. High Speed Pursuit

**Pittsburg California, June 24th 2:25pm:**

"We tend to get speeders along this stretch of road every day." a clean-shaven and slightly plain looking blond man in his thirties said, not quite looking at the camera as several cars whiz past. As the officer points his radar at a car that appears to be speeding, someone knocks on the passenger side window.

"We need to borrow your car." a rather sheepish looking soldier who's wearing a UNIT uniform says while a white-haired man who was dressed like Austin Powers stands behind him huffing impatiently.

"What for?" the officer asks, eying the embarrassed looking soldier's companion dubiously.

"Hurry up man, we don't have all day!" the white haired man in the Austin Powers outfit snaps as a military jeep that's being driven by something that looks like a cross between an elephant and a squid blows past at about a hundred miles an hour.

The officer gets out of the car, gaping open-mouthed at the thing that was driving down the road in what was obviously a UNIT jeep. The man in the Austin Powers getup promptly takes the driver's seat and the UNIT soldier hurries around to the passenger's side and opens the door, ushering the cameraman out. The cameraman, sensing an opportunity, opens the back door and hops in, not caring that he'll be locked in. The stunned officer who seems to be functioning on autopilot follows suit.

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't left the keys in the jeep." the older man in the Austin Powers outfit complains as he quickly familiarizes himself with the car's controls before flicking on the siren and driving off in pursuit of the elephant-squid hybrid.

The police car quickly catches up with the jeep which is sailing up Railroad Ave. towards Kirker Pass. As it does so, the young UNIT soldier communicates with his compatriots on his radio, telling them where they are, and informing them of the current situation. Both jeep and car are soon heading away from the city of Pittsburg and speeding up a hill that has claimed the lives of a number of inattentive drivers at twice the posted speed limit. Both vehicles sail around a curve that should only be taken at about thirty miles an hour at somewhere near a hundred and ten.

Uphill abruptly becomes downhill and road and tires separate. The siren gives an extra long and almost plaintive sounding WHOOOOO as the car sails through the air before slamming into the ground halfway down the hill with a bone-jarring thump, sending the occupants slamming into the roof, and continuing forward with a squealing of tires.

As the road levels out, the car is joined by cars from the Concord and Clayton police departments with two UNIT jeeps in pursuit. Half way down Ygnacio Valley road, the older man in the Austin Powers outfit finally catches up with the jeep and attempts a PIT maneuver, nearly sending both cars careening due to the high speeds at which they are moving, rattling the occupants of the police car about like peas in a can. Both cars straighten out however, and the chase is back on.

As the UNIT jeep reaches Walnut Creek, it ends up running over a spike strip that seemingly has no effect on it. The same could not be said for the Pittsburg PD car that had been right on its tail however. As the car screeches to the side of the road, the white-haired man in the Austin Powers outfit angrily glares after the departing jeep which is now weaving in and out of traffic, being pursued by the UNIT jeeps that had been trailing after the police cars which had been similarly unaffected by the spike strip.

"Well, that was a complete waste of time." the man says before tuning the radio to the band used by the local police and giving the Walnut Creek PD an earful.


End file.
